I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
