My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
where are my eyebrows?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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