that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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