Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
