I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize