it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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