my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
