believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
