If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
