i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
