she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
