you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
