I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
