I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
