My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
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