Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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