apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
