After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
