i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
