Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
