I can text with my tongue
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
