paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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