My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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