Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
