how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
