I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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