I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
