what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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