I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize