Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize