I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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