I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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