But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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