It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
