Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
