connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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