Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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