How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
