Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
