she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
