Soap is not a condiment
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.