The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
