a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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