i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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