when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
