the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
