I've blown a few things in my day
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
