dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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