Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
