My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
