I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
