My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
