she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
