I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
