I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
