Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
