So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
