If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
