I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Your penis caused this!
Randomize