Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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