I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
