is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
