i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
