Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
