oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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