He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
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He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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