I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
