I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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